feeling something missing...

I think i miss something lately...
I don't know why...
I'm not missing my home because I call most time when I'm free...
I'm out of ideas how to overcome it...
Keep asking myself...
What is the missing thing?
I wish someone can show it to me...

looking around and ask myself

Up to the moment, I can say almost 6 weeks I being in Sheffield. Not to say I got everything in my head, most of time I being busy with academic stuff and a bit of community activities. The first thing that i want to do during my first year in here, I want to get along with local cultural and other people who are not from same place as I'm. Local culture? Most people think that is night out activities. I can say yes but there are lot of other things beside night out. Night out activities are not bad actually. (Ooops, some people start to say i'm gonna be bad boy)

I see it in a different view. I know as a muslim, it's not appropriate to go there but I see there are kind of critical questions that I'll and have to answer. In such, some people might ask me why you are not drink? If I answer because I'm a muslim, does it sound like the question before like personal question? Some other questions might pop up, I meet this bla bla who is muslim but drink? What I'm going to answer for that question? What is the best answer that appropriate and not to give a kind of bad impression toward our religion? I go to those places because it give me a new challenge and something that I can learn. Not all people in here know about Islam very well. May be my friends who spend most of their night time in clubs and pubs, someday they see Islam can bring better life style. who knows?

Somehow, I can compare how Islam guide me as I have faith in Islam than other people. Being in certain scenarios, give me something to gain from it. It always a new thing that I get. More over, I want to see how much people trust me and really know who I'm. haha...

lengkap semula...

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akanku bina sebuah jambatan emas

demi menghubungkan aku dengannya

akanku reka mesin merentas masa

supaya dapat bersama dengannya setiap masa dan ketika

akanku rakamkan semua saat indah

bersamanya  ke dalam sebuah pita video

akanku lakarkan sebuah lukisan

untuk menggambarkan keagungannya

kini ini lengkap kembali

bila bersama dengannya

dengannya rasa cukup selesa

tak mungkin ada selainnya

akanku ciptakan sebuah kapal angkasa

untukku pergi ke sana bersama-samanya

akan ku bina istana semegah taj mahal

sebagai tanda kasih sayangku yang kekal abadi

kini rasa lengkap semula

bila bersama dengannya

dengannya rasa cukup selesa

tak mungkin ada selainnya

***
kini ini lengkap kembali

bila bersama dengannya

dengannya rasa cukup selesa

tak mungkin ada selainnya

sekarang semuanya engkau...

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• Aku suka lagu ni. Ntah kenape. Mungkin liriknya yang seakan-akan menyatakan hasrat seseorang manusia yang dari keturunan adam. Mungkin cubaan untuk menunjukkan kasih sayang terhadap kaum hawa. Yang paling penting kalaulah memang ada perempuan yang dapat curi hati aku yang peratusan 'heartless'nya lebih dari 65%, sememangnya inilah mesej yang aku nak bagi kepada dia.
• Apa yang aku tulis nampak seperti aku ni mat bunga dan seantaranya. Akan tetapi bila umurku sudah hendak menjangkau 21 tahun ni, makin ada rasa sayang pula terhadap perempuan. Padahal tak pernah pun seorang perempuan jadi teman wanitaku. TAPI BUKAN SEMUA JENIS PEREMPUAN AKU SAYANG, ADA JUGA YANG AKU TAK SUKA. Agak sukar untuk aku suka atau 'crush' dekat perempuan sebab aku tidak akan campur urusan peribadi dengan kerja
• Sememangnya perempuan sangat dilindungi dan dihormati dalam Islam. Dan aku memang menghormati kaum hawa tetapi bukan kerana atas dasar kecantikan sahaja. Memuja berlebih - lebihan pun tidak elok juga kerana boleh sampai terlupa akan tanggungjawab kita sebagai insan.

Semoga sama - sama kita renungkannya.....

arriving in sheffield

On Sept 19 in malaysia time, I got myself in KLIA after daylight for a flight to Sheffield. The most prominent event was crying and crying. I didn't get it why we would cry when we looked some love one leave us for right reasons. I got a big why because I didn't feel sad anyway. I leave the crying topic here. It was long journey plus I had to transit to Frankfurt then to Manchester. Yet, It was my first time to take a flight. This was a new thing. All sudden the andreline rushed down when I got into departure gate. Questions arose in my mind. Am I dreaming right now? Should I slap my face? But as a very cool person in everything, I wasn't dreaming for sure. 

 After 11 hours, I put my feet on the land named Frankfurt. It was 6.30 in the morning there. The temperature was around 10 degree. Next flight to Manchester is 11.30 a.m. 5 hours to wait and waste. My body shivered a bit when I went out from the 777. The airport security is a bit strict as I had to take out my belt for the security check, yet let my 36 inches pant loosed. 

Roughly at 11 o'clock, I took off from Frankfurt to Manchester. It was only one hour flight. It was a nice view from the bird's eye as I saw a lot of different thing that I didn't see in my hometown. Finally, I arrived in Manchester. Being welcomed by SMSA and MARA officers, I felt like home already. My group continued our journey to Sheffield by coach. The scenery along the whole voyage is greeny  and beautiful to watch. Made me felt calm. I do like to watch some country side view. Anyway, thanks to MARA officers, Pisang, Roy and the others who helped me through out the intro week and got me settle in nicely.

p/s; there are lots of picture actually. but i don't have them to put them here.

Dalam- dalam kesibukan ini

" Waktuku untuk pergi ke negara orang hanya tinggal beberapa hari. Kekadang di kala kesibukan aku mengemaskan barang - barang untuk ke sana. Aku dapati banyak benda yang ako tidak dapat tunaikan.", Itu keluahan hatiku yang ade sedikit rasa kasih sayang terhadap insan - insan di dunia ini. Kalau nak diikutkan hati aku yang mudah terasa kasihan ini, maka habislah aku. Duit dan masa akan habis begitu sahaja serta tidak berbaloi untuk sungguh - sungguh kerana sesuatu yang tidak berape jelas nie. Lebih baik aku tidak keluarkan duit, biarlah ade orang nak kata aku ini haji bakhil pun aku tidak kisah. Padahal mereka mempunyai niat tersendiri.

Pada zaman yang diakui oleh sesetengah makhluk yang mahu mengakui segala - galanya liberal, umat manusia yang ke arah berfikiran kendiri sehingga sampai tahap untuk menikam belakang, menindas rakan sendiri secara halus atau tidak dek kerana kegilaan terhadap perempuan, harta benda serta pangkat. Inilah realiti hidup yang tidak ada kewarasan akal jika segala mengikut nafsu. Dikala Ramadhan yang mulia ini, memohon ampun dari yang MAHA ESA atas segala perbuatan.

8 hari saja lagi tinggal untuk aku menghabiskan masa di bumi Malaysia ini, gembirakah aku untuk terbang ke sheffield. Pergi ke sana pun dengan penuh harapan yang dipasang menggunung seolah- olah mengalahkan ketinggian Everest. Apakah harapan yang menggunung itu? Adakah harapan rakyat yang dibawa seperti yang diwar-warkan oleh pensyarahku selalu? Sememangnye aku 'berhutang' dengan MARA yang membayar kos pembelajaran aku nanti. Sudah tentu aku berhutang budi kepada si pembayar cukai (p/s kepada sesiapa yang membayar cukai sahaja, yang tidak bayar janganlar perasan). Walaupun layanan yang diberi kadang - kadang membuatkan aku sakit hati. Berterima kasihlah kepada mereka.

prodigy in making or not?

When I was twelve, I didn't even know what The Malay College was. Till then in one evening when I woke up from a good nap, my mum called me. She said the school secretary sent an offer letter. It was an offer letter to boarding school. My father told me the school is located in Kuala Kangsar, Perak. In that time, I didn't know whether I was fully awoke or still in process of waking up my conscious, I just said yes and I wanted to go to that school. Both my parent cannot say anything because it was my will. A week before I went there for registration, I went back to my grandparent's house. My grandpa did know about The Malay College. He said that school groomed a lot of big name in the history. I was not that adore of anything yet in that time.

Since I was there in form one till form five. There were lot of thing I saw and learn. From appearance till virtue that I had being taught. But all of these weren't coming from the text books and most of them made from the environment in the eton of the east. When I was in lower form, I was one of the highest community, AJK Batch. What was funny thing was I had a fever a day after the community being announce. This community is set to keep 126 of motherrussians in line and drove the batch. What do you expect from 14 years old boy to do? Along the way to become mature in leading people, there were misjudged, one sided and more perhaps. The most things that made me as I'm now during I was in basketball and yet under legendary coach in Sekolah Berasrama Penuh. He is Mr. Liew. Thus far, i can only say he is the first non Malay who is really willing to help young Malay boys to succeed that i met. He said once, "If I can coach you to be a good basketball player, at least I can teach you to be a good citizen in future". I saw the impact of what he said and yet I'm proud to be under his coaching.

After graduated from koleq,yet with the modest SPM result, I resumed my pre-tertiary education in matriculation. It was in Negeri Sembilan Matriculation College. What a new world I was then. Previously, I was in one gender scenario. Being shocked with the change? NO! But the thing was when it comes to my background, I would rather not to let anyone where I was from before. It is an pride to be a collegian. But the way some people received it and reacted, somehow I didn't like. More over, when someone's voice sounded a bit like this, "Wow, you are budak koleq". I literally didn't get why people, who is 'adored' about koleq love to sound like sarcastically. I didn't know what s/he was up to in her/ his mind. People's thought, who can control them. I did survived during my year in matriculation as i secured to get a quite impressive result as some interviewer would ask me,"are you an ambitious person, aren't you?".

After spending a year in mixing with other lads, I did throw myself down to south of Malaysia, Skudai to be exact, with secure myself a place in mechanical engineering course in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia. On the other hand, i was offered by government agency to further my study abroad yet an interview must be gone through to get the offer. Somehow, there was a plot of few narrow mind set up occurred. Of course, I was the one, who being questioned about my credibility. I never proud of being chosen as one of the candidate to receive the offer, yet I had asked myself why I being picked out of thousands, who had got a greater result in matriculation than me. The plot happened in orientation week with four or five persons involved. At first, I told my colleague that I being offered study abroad. A quite negative remark I heard from his mouth. I was a bit offended after that. I thought I would get a support to take the offer. The similar remarks i got from the others. I didn't take too personally because the feeling of jealousy might be ran in their heart.

The interview was gone through by me although i was being interviewed for a short while rather than the others. Someway, I thought I wouldn't be selected. Roughly, two months after the interview, the result came out. And I didn't get it. Such a long wait that i waited for. Life got in its flow after that. About 5 weeks after that, my dad called me and told me that I got second intake for that offer. It took almost 2 days for me to decide whether to stay in Skudai or move in a new place and a very big challenge will came in. I decided to move in a new place that literally I being taught by the surrounding what a friend would be.

A year after in private university, all the minimum requirements for second year entry in University of Sheffield, i had passed it. From now, Tuesday, 3.45 p.m in Malaysia time, roughly I have 7 days before I be there. A lot of difficulties and challenges waiting for me. "prodigy in making or not?" is a shoutout yet a big question in me. All these while, everything is running smoothly. There will be uncertainties in future. Therefore, It leave only on me whether I can coup up or not.

4 months ago...

It was 4 months ago. Lots of things happening in 120 days of time lines. The most date i remember was 5th June. The date that a new price for black gold was announced. Of course the most people angered with the announcement. As the world oil price is controlled by the capitalist in G8 countries and not from oil producer countries. We cannot blame for one side (i'm not trying to adore or speaking highly about the government because they have lots of problem on themselves). But what i can say is Malaysia is a rich land with its resources, yet people here may not realize it or they may realize it but a the world is ruled by capitalism. Rich become richer and vice verse.

In late June, there was a big controversy, sodomy allegation. Yet, it was like the same thing as in 1998. Ask me? I can say I doubt about it. Whether to believe or not, I'm waiting for the real answer.

NO MSG????

try to read at this article

.
might be make you shocked after you read it.

holiday, exam, and time....

Normally April and May, most of colleagues are having exam mood!!! except for me... kinda different from others... while they are on holiday, i'm on the course to finish my second semester. Totally 7 weeks of study to go... When i complete my first year of degree, most of my friends are going back to their respective universities. so, of course, it will leaving me alone with bored to death. haha2... Through out these 7 weeks, i have a big and quite difficult task to be done. i can declare it a war against myself. Because i didn't do well in last semester, seems that i have to take the consequence. it's time to learn form mistake again. I just want to get at least a par to the deal that i had doen it in order to have the scholarship. A lot of homeworks and hard works to be done...
pray for me...

kebanyakan....

actually, it is first time i write an essay in bahasa after school... hehe2... ok2... sebabnye kebanyakan artikel yang perlu saya tulis dalam bahasa inggeris... apabila kita baru masuk ke dalam sesuatu organisasi dan kumpulan, tidak kiralah ia sudah lama ditubuhkan atau tidak. kebanyakan orang di dalam organisasi itu mengharapkan sesuatu. jadi nak dijadikan cerita... menurut pengalamanku... i was joining a group of undergraduate programe. ako adalah seorang budak baru dan rata-rata semua orang dalam group tue adalah orang yang baru ako kenal walaupun ako pernah kenal hanya sekadar tahu nama sahaja. saya ni bukanlah seorang yang teringin sangat untuk kenal semua orang melainkan ada perkara yang penting untuk dilakukan... dan maka pelbagai karenahlah yang dapat ako tengok... kekadang ako cuba untuk memuaskan hati semua orang tapi hendaklah ako mementingkan diriku juga... mengenali seseorang bukan memakan masa satu atau dua hari sahaja... mungkin 3 minggu atau pun bertahun- tahun... tapi ako juga terasa pelik sepanjang ako hidup ini, jarang ada orang yang datang dekat ako untuk menegurku atas tingkah lakuku yang kadang- kadang menyakitkan hati orang lain. ako pun tak pernah mintak dilayan sebegitu tinggi macam ako ni seorang ditaktor. walhal ako sangat membenci orang yang berperangai ditaktor. selalu timbul dalam kepalaku, mengapa mereka tidak menanyakan kepadaku jika ako berbuat demikian... kekadang ako tak perasan tindak tanduku itu menyebabkan yang sebaliknye... ako juga tak suka akan sikap yes ma'am/sir...
sebab itu sikap seorang hamba!!! kita semua ada hak untuk bercakap... poning2...

Not going well...

through out few weeks ago, i felt like there was something not going well on me. may be i was living too comfort before. it is human norm, i think. i just want somebody HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! to get out of this feeling....

the worst performance i had watched

Last night, there was a malam warisan budaya in my college. If i interpret the meaning of the theme, it would be like culture performance. At first, i thought it would be nice to see the culture performance. But, thing turned around when i was in the hall. there were few culture performance like silat and tarian, but what i was quite anxious when there were performance that led by guitar.
Yet most song were English song. I may not be anxious if they played some kind of traditional songs with the guitar, and that show how creative they were. And so about the guys that were given a task as MC. The whole performance was not in smooth flow. I don't know that if they took the event for granted. But, when i watched it, it was like as 'Melepaskan batuk di tangga' event.

Something that I made me wondering WHY

I was reading national news papers and alternative news. More over, the issues were about the new state government in Perak and Kedah. It caught my attention to read about them. The issue in Perak was about most all ‘ketua kampung’ and ‘penghulu’ sent a pile of resignation letters to new mentri besar. It was stated in the report that most all the local leader resigned because the state had changed its government by meaning that no longer UMNO ruled Perak. In the report also stated that most of local leader are UMNO supporters. I was thinking why still they were people who can’t accept the new government. Yet, decided to resign just because UMNO no longer ruling the state. Why they were not to get know how the new MB is working with people. I looked at the new MB background was very good. He is an experience engineer, who has worked with public sector for years. He is also a consultant. That means his portfolio is really nice to look. Looking how he deliver his speech to people, he may be a good MB even may be better than previous. Then, leaving an empty role in the top hierarchy of a little kampong made more difficulty to the new state government. Time will be waste a bit upon on reelecting the new ketua kampong. This little system may interrupt the whole system that to make the administration flow smoothly. Why most people in Malaysia still in political mentality?

first time...

This is my first time writing my own blog. i didn't spend so much time on editing this blog due to plenty of reasons. I just hope soon I can have more time on this blog.